i feel like a mommy, officially.

so i've been pregnant a while...28 weeks to be exact ;) but i remember in the beginning it took me a while to feel pregnant--if you've been prego before i'm sure you know what i mean.

well same thing with being a mommy. i never FELT like a mommy, not really. until today.

i was working out daycare with my cousin Jackie- and it just hit me. after 6 short weeks of maternity leave...i have to leave Adelynn.every.single.day.

Don't get me wrong; i am SO grateful Jackie wants to watch her; we're keeping Adelynn with family, I trust Jackie, its right by our house, etc etc etc. BUT it still breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that i won't be with her everyday. that i'll only get her for a couple hours a night and on weekends. that she may have a better bond with someone other than me. that Jackie will KNOW her inside and out, get to be there for her, take care of her, etc. im jealous plain and simple.

i never thought i'd WANT to be a SAHM. and it's never been in the cards for me, it just doesn't work out financially for us. and it breaks my heart. don't get me wrong- I LOVE MY JOB. i love what i'm doing, who i'm working for- i am so fulfilled in my career right now.

it just makes me sad to think about leaving her, not being there for her. i had a huge lump in my throat today thinking/talking about it, and i won't lie...i cried a little on the way home. i'm trying my best to drop it, not dwell; cause theres nothing i can do about it. but now i understand where women who are SAHM are coming from- the light bulb went off for me!


and now? i officially feel like a mommy :) which as sad as this example is...its a pretty dang cool feeling, to really feel like a momma.

so all the ladies who CAN stay home? appreciate your blessings!!! i'm envious!
and those of you who aren't mommies yet? just wait! you'll understand one day, i finally do!