serve your spouse.

when people talk about marriage you often hear things like ' put your spouse first' or ' love each other through it'..among many other things.

 i've been married 7 years now (i literally just had to stop and count on my fingers to make sure,ha).

people talk frequently about how to have a great marriage- there are thousands of books on the topic. plenty of folks employed as marriage counselors offering therapy to couples who need it. it is often a topic at church. on pinterest you can find endless amounts of ideas for date nights, gifts for your spouse, quotes on marriage, and so on. it is a popular topic!

as it should be.

my husband and i got married young (21), and had quite the unusual situation. we knew each other in middle/highschool, reconnected via facebook in college- he was stationed in germany with the army, i was here in georgia going to school. spent a total of maybe two months together in the same place, while the rest of our dating relationship took place over the phone. being young + long distance + stresses of deployments = one hot mess express of a relationship! we didn't do things the easy way, and both of us will tell ya that!

over the years i have read many blogs, articles, and books on marriage. we even spent some time in counseling. we've had our ups and downs in the 7 years that we've been married, but i feel like we didn't figure out the key until just a couple months ago.

in my last blog, i said God saved my marriage (me, and my family), and that He used 12stone to do it. i fully believe that.

during the double dog dare series, there was a message on marriage ( see it here ), and the phrase 'serve your spouse' has become our motto ever since. it was like a light bulb went off for us both. serve your spouse, show kindness, show gratitude. it seems pretty simple, and some of you may think "well, duh kelly." but see, going through the craziness of life, throwing a couple kids in to the mix, work, financial stress, and so on-- something so simple and 'duh' can actually become forgotten and/or quite difficult to do.

serve your spouse. i don't necessarily mean like, serve 'em up some food (however, that works). i mean, the little things. let me give you some examples:

- with our work schedules, i do drop off in the mornings for the kids and my husband does pick up. we've always done it that way. for the longest time, i just complained about my mornings. how stressful and frustrating it was. trying to get myself ready, get both kids ready (have you ever tried dressing a three year old who wants to pick out her own outfit-but takes half an hour to do so-, refuses to brush her teeth or hair, or put her shoes on?) grab my coffee, get out the door, get them to school, and finally get myself to work (on time!). i complained, often. one day my husband went in to work later and helped me get the kids ready and in to the car, we left at the same time- it blew my mind, and really started my day off on the right foot. i told him how much i really, really appreciated it. suddenly, he was doing it daily. that was about two months ago, and he still goes in later to help me every single morning. that may not seem like a big deal ya'll, but to me it is.

- i am off work every friday. every single friday-- whaaat? yeah, its awesome. initially i thought i would lay in bed, drink coffee, go get my nails done, hang with friends, meet my mom for lunch, and so on. but guess what? i've never done that! why? i saw it as an opportunity to serve my husband, and really to overall serve my family. i use this day each week to do every single bit of laundry in the house- i start at 7am and it takes me almost all day till about 4 or 5pm. as a load comes out, i fold it and put it away. i used to only put mine and the kid's clothes away, and would leave my husband's neatly stacked on the bed. then i decided to start putting his away for him. on top of that, i do all the dishes, clean the litter box, take the trash out, sweep and vacuum, and so on. anything that needs to be done chore-wise, i do it on friday. this does two things: it allows all the house work to be done friday so none of us have to bother with it over the weekend. it also helps my husband in small ways- he never has to worry about doing those chores cause he knows that i'll do it on friday. don't get me wrong, he often asks to help, and frequently does. but this is my way of serving my husband, weekly.

this last sunday, as i was loading the dishwasher after a meal, my husband said ' you know what? i see all the things you do around here, and i really appreciate it babe- it doesn't go un noticed' and while i don't do these things seeking praise from him, it gave me all the warm and fuzzies hearing him say that.

these are just two examples of ways we serve each other. i know, i know. it doesn't exactly scream romance. but that isn't what we're really trying to accomplish here. we are just trying to help each other, take some stress off each other. smaller ways we do this: i set the coffee pot each night, so he doesn't have to worry about it in the morning. he takes care of grocery shopping, cause he knows i hate it. i clean the litter box, just so he doesn't have to. and so on.

look for ways, big and small, that you can take some stress off of your spouse. just help them! you'd be amazed at the changes you see take place within your marriage.

another tip? pray for your spouse. and not "please just make him better" or "Lord can you make her see things my way" --- more like ' lord, please help me to be the wife my husband needs. help me to support him, encourage him, and fall in love with him over and over again'.

but the whole praying for your spouse thing? another blog, for another day :)

church, on the big screen.

i had someone ask me recently about 12stone, and if we always watched the message on the big screen-or where we could go to see a live sermon.

its funny, cause i had literally never even thought about the fact that we watched on a screen until someone asked!

and if you're not familiar with 12stone you may be wondering what i'm talking about!

12stone is one church, but in many locations. so most of the time you'll watch the sermon on a big screen- but you also have a campus pastor for whichever location you attend. now, that probably seems weird. but again, i never even realized! i mean, obviously i knew i was watching a screen, duh, it just never phased me.

(Snellville Campus Pastor Trey H. , he is pretty awesome!)

it doesn't come off as impersonal or weird or anything to me. quite the opposite. no matter where i'm sitting inside, no matter how far in the back or close up front- i can see clearly. i feel the pastor making eye contact with me, speaking to me. i can hear, and see perfectly in any seat in our church!

(larger campus)

(smaller campus)

i also love that no matter what location you attend, you get the same message. i love seeing other 12stoners out in the world, and even if we arent close friends or go to the same location- as soon as we figure out we have 12stone in common we strike up a conversation about that week's sermon! its so cool. so personal, relate-able. i love it. its like belonging to the coolest club in town (although, i'm still waiting to learn the secret handshake, and receive my de-coder ring....kidding! well, unless such things exist, ha!).

yes, its different than a typical church setting and experience- but that is exactly why i love it. the people make the church, not the building (we happily attend the Snellville campus which is currently in a high school for goodness sakes!). Not having someone standing on a stage physically in front of you, so what? heck, even when i made the decision to be baptized, i didn't even think twice about waiting till we moved in to our permanent building so it would be all fancy and on a stage with lights,etc. i was thrilled to do it in the lobby of brookwood high school surrounded by my church family up close and personal. i love that if we are sick, or out of town, and miss a sunday- we can jump online sunday night and watch the very same sermon/pastor that everyone else watched that morning!

i also love that if you don't have a bible? take one home! want some coffee? they have starbucks! church notes-check! i love the notes they hand out each week. and don't even get me started on the worship music yall.

anyhoo, give it a whirl. i have a feeling if you try 12stone, you'll fall in love with it just like i did.

i fully believe God saved me, my marriage, and my family- and i firmly know he used 12stone to do it.

what does being a mom mean to you?

mom life yall. its the name of my blog for a reason.

between adelynn's birthday this week, mother's day coming up, and just everyday life- motherhood has been on my mind a lot lately. hence my last post.

growing up there were a few things i knew: i wanted to marry young, and i wanted to be a mom. that was my great life ambition, all i ever wanted.

i got married young (21) , and the constant question came "when are yall havin' a baby??". its funny, once i got married and was expected to have a baby, i immediately wasn't ready! i pumped the brakes. i wanted to be married for a while. learn how to be a wife. mostly- enjoy my husband being home. while we were dating- it was long distance, all of it. we spent about a month and a half together total, in the same place, on the same ground. seriously. he visited home for two weeks, i visited germany for a month (he was in the army). the rest of our time dating, he was stationed in germany or deployed to iraq. we even had a 3 month break up during that deployment. then? we got married- spent two weeks together, and off he went back to iraq. we spent another six months apart before he was discharged from the army and home for good.

hence my hesitation to immediately start a family! plus, we were young- we had plenty of time!

and now? i'm a 28 year old mom of two, and it really is hard to imagine life before my babies.

to me, being a mom- means a lot of things....

- loving a tiny little human, my best friend and i created, with a love like you've never experienced-and will never understand till you experience it

- being so frustrated at times with that same tiny human, it blows your mind

- wanting sleep so bad, i literally cried over it

- having no idea what i'm doing, a lot of the time

- criticizing myself in the worst way, feeling like the worst mama ever created

- being puked on, pooped on, snotted on, peed on, and everything in between

- running on coffee, like a car running on gas

- going days without showering

- forgetting whether or not i brushed your teeth...or put on deoderant

- going shopping with goodies for myself in mind, and leaving with nothing for yourself and a ton of random things for your littles

- randomly looking at my babes, and just wanting to cry, because i just love them so much

- planning birthday parties for them 6+ months in advance

- wanting to give them the world

- googling whatever i can to help them feel better when they're sick, going to the doctor days in a row demanding answers, sleeping on the floor by their crib, and literally sucking snot out of their nose (nose freda, google it yall)

- the amount of grossness i encountered during pregnancy, delivery, recovery...and wanting to do it again and again

- singing adele at the top of my lungs every sunday on the way to church, cause they just love that song

- paranoia of forgetting memories, stories, good times and bad- so i document, every little dang thing. (hence all my pictures, videos, and journals to my girls)

- putting myrself last, so they are always first

- reading just ONE more book, cause they are adorable when they beg you to

- napping with them, in your bed. cause even though they think you're giving them this huge treat...its really a huge gift to yourself.

-selling my coach bags, michael kors bags, and every other designer thing i owned to get money together for their christmas gifts

- cleaning every friday i'm off work, so i can spend the weekend with my family without worrying about house work

- letting a teething baby literally chew on me, cause i know it helps the pain

- embracing every open mouthed, drool-filled kiss on the mouth

-sitting in the bathroom, a hot shower going, and rocking a sick little one for as long as it takes

- showing up to work exhausted after a long night of no sleep, but going in anyway ( no matter how badly you want to call out)

- using bath paints, even though it kills my ocd, cause it just makes their day

- having misophonia, but still snuggling that three year old chomping on cereal...right in my ear

- praying daily to be the best mommy i can be, but so thankful for their forgiveness on the days i fail

- worrying about their safety, their future, their hearts--constantly

i asked the facebook world what being a mom means to them, and here are a couple responses i got back:

Kristin says: ' its the most consuming obsession i've ever had. its the biggest reward i;ve earned for time spent something. its the happiest place i've ever been, it's the biggest goals i've ever dreamed about. and its the most love i've ever felt. it.is.everything.'

Kayty says:' it means shaping the future in hopes of creating a better life and future for someone you love more than your own life. it's understanding that there is something much bigger than yourself. it means that all of your life's pain is nothing compared to the joy and love you are now blessed with. it means sacrifice because no one else will. it means feeling every emotion in its entirety.'

and even a dad got in on the action (love it!), Nick says: ' it means you are the backbone of our nation!'

i couldn't have said it better myself. what does being a mommy mean to you? it has been rejuvenating for me as a mama to sit back and think about this for the past several days, i encourage you to do the same!

your last baby.

when do you know you're done havin' babies? done growing your family?

in my opinion, you never know. and honestly, i don't feel like i'm done. but we are done. doesn't make sense right?

we knew penny girl would be our final baby. for a lot of reasons. more babies means higher daycare costs, which we already struggle with. it means bigger cars, another (two) car seat, a bigger house. feeding and clothing another person, more doctor visits- more sick days calling out of work. and so on. financial reasons are the biggest for us. it bothers me so much that something like money dictates whether or not we have more babies.

cause i don't feel done. but we are.

i don't know if 'baby fever' ever really goes away for women? does it? i've felt it on and off throughout the years. and maybe now that adelynn is four, and penny is closer to two....i feel it more strongly. i don't have an infant anymore. i don't wake at night to rock and feed a baby. i don't have this tiny little baby, smelling like heaven, sleeping on my chest. no more burping, no more shushing, swaying, rocking.

i remember being in the midst of the infant stage, and being so tired i could cry. i wanted sleep so badly. i remember going to family functions and enjoying the moments relatives would hold our little babies- allowing us to take a breath and relax. its so funny when you're in it, you want out of it. and everyone tells you to soak it up cause 'they grow so fast'...

and yall. they do. they grow SO fast.

it makes me sad to think we'll never have another. it makes my heart ache (or, is it my ovaries?) to think i'll never be pregnant again.

i had a great pregnancy (aside from gaining 60 ibs) and horrific delivery with adelynn. i had a miserable pregnancy (think: puking , daily) and easy delivery with penny. lack of sleep. so uncomfortable. no beer! no caffeine. aches, pains, millions of doctor's appointments, lots of money. but oh, how i miss it. how i miss that big belly, and those baby kicks. those special moments of seeing your little on an ultrasound, wondering who they would look like. what their personality would be like. poking and pressing on your tummy to get a reassuring kick back.

to think i'll never experience it again breaks my heart.

so here it is ladies: enjoy it. every miserable, and joyful, moment of your pregnancy. soak up those sleepless nights and screaming babies - yes even then (penny had colic for three months, if she was awake she was screaming, i thought we'd never make it through)-- enjoy it. bask in it. 

cause one day,you'll miss every single second of it.

four year old adelynn.

My sweet Adelynn Grace,

Today, you are four years old. FOUR years ago you made me a mommy. The greatest gift I've ever received.

Our rainbow baby: the one God gave us after we lost our first baby. I didn't really like God then, but I'll never forget in the middle of the night- getting on my knees, tears streaming down my face BEGGING God to make that pain and heartache go away, to give us a baby. 

And then, He did. He gave us you precious girl.

You loved me, your tiny little self, even when I had a hard time loving you. I remember coming out of the fog of post partum depression , the realization that I didn't instantly madly love you- killed me. Broke my heart. How could I not? Those tiny fingers and toes, those little cheeks, those stunning baby blue eyes. But you loved me anyway. You never held it against me. I am forever grateful for your instant, and unconditional love.

Age three has been hard, but this year of your life was far from easy on you. You became a big sister, left your crib you'd slept in all your life and traded it for a big girl bed. You finally got rid of that passy, finally potty trained! You changed daycares, twice. You witnessed a time your parents had a hard time loving each other, and were being beaten down by life. 

But sweet baby, you are so strong! You did all of that! You forgave all the stress, tension, and hurt in our home. You turned it all around. Your excitement to learn about Jesus and attend church is a big part of what motivated me to go! God saved our family. And you witnessed it all, this whirlwind year. You showed us what it means to unconditionally love.

You are kind, such a sweet loving heart. You are sensitive, goofy, silly, and so incredibly loving. You love to laugh! And your laughter is contagious. You still want me to hold you, still ask me for snuggles. You'll run up to me randomly and smile saying "mommy, I just love you!"

You my sweet baby, make me want to be the best mommy I can be. And I'll never stop trying! You deserve the world sweet girl. I am so lucky God gave me you.

Happy fourth birthday miss Adelynn Grace- you are so very loved, and my wish is that you ALWAYS know that!