we weren't able to go to church today- sick kids! story of my life. and this is probably the first time we've missed church, that i've actually CARED that we missed. baby steps.
i watched it first chance i got, and today's message was on gratitude.
Luke 17:17 'were not all ten cleansed? where are the other nine?"
God notices the presence AND absence of gratitude. He notices a grateful heart. God doesn't need your gratitude, he's not insecure- but He wants it, desires it, deserves it.
gratitude = moving towards God
2. gratitude must be expressed to exist. you feel it, do something with it-express it and let it be known.
unexpressed gratitude feels like ingratitude.
the two words 'thank you' strengthen marriage, relationships, work relationships, teams, etc.
"feeling gratitude and not expressing it, is like wrapping a present and not giving it." - William Aurthur Ward
3. gratitude defeats entitlement.
Luke 17 : the nine who did not return were Jewish like Jesus, privileged. the one who did return was an outsider- the only one who came back to say thank you. the other nine felt entitled, the one felt undeserving.
4. gratitude opens opportunity.
Luke 17 "....rise and go, your faith has made you well." he received cleansing, and salvation.
PRACTICES
1. develop a gratitude routine.
example: make a list each day of ten things you're thankful for from the day before.
Giving thanks to God is how we enter in to His presence.
2. improve your gratitude reflex.
how quickly you are to say thank you, to express your gratitude when you feel it.
i will say, i've been feeling a whole lot of gratitude here lately. people have come in to my life, old friends/family and new. they have totally blown my mind with their generosity- and i'm happy to say i've said thank you pretty dang quickly. my heart is overflowing with gratitude, almost daily for the last couple months. and again, i'm just now realizing God is speaking to me through these people. using these people to soften my heart.
you should be thankful, you should be grateful. and goodness gracious am i. and wow....light bulb. thats because of God. here i am all these months and years angry with God, just so hurt and bitter. but now i'm starting to realize that He is not responsible for the bad, He IS responsible for the good.
i'm actually starting to HEAR what is being said in church, i'm actually listening to the messages now. and it is slowly starting to sink in for me. i've stopped resisting and am finally embracing. it feels pretty freeing!
Dear God, please help me understand the 'why' i am constantly asking You. help me understand that the bad isn't You, its satan. help me understand that i don't have to listen SO hard to hear Your voice- i just need to pay closer attention to those around me. amen.
today while sitting in church, i had a light bulb moment.
but let me go back a sec.
i've struggled with my faith, if i'm being honest, most of my life. i've never felt that feeling so many others talk about. i've tried, given up. tried again, gave up again. a couple years ago we got out of the habit of going to church, simply because we just couldn't find a good fit for a church home. we got busy with life, and just didn't really think about it anymore.
in the last several months we found a home at 12stone church. it helps we have friends that go there, it makes it easier to go, less intimidating. funny thing is i can type and blog about my faith, and my struggles with my faith, so easily. it flows from my fingers. but verbally discussing it with others gives me the worst anxiety. i'm not sure why. i've also never prayed out loud...ever.
since we found our place at 12stone i've been putting a lot of thought, time, and effort in to figuring out my faith. my relationship with God.
part of my problem is, not ever really having a good relationship with Him, or strength in my faith. then, hard times. lots of hard times in my life. most recently, this last year. i grew bitter. the "why me?" attitude. wondering why bad things kept happening. selfish and self centered, i know. but hey, i'm human ya'll.
so in my journey to understand this thing, work on a relationship with God- find that feeling, that peace, that hope....i kept waiting for a sign from God. i kept waiting for Him to speak to me as i've heard others mention.
i kept waiting and felt like, what the heck- nothing is happening..so what is the point? He doesn't hear me, he isn't talking to me.
and then, this morning in church- my light bulb moment.
this verse: 2 Peter 3:11
"Since all these things are to be destroyed in this way, what sort of people ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness..."
this verse, i've heard it before- but today i heard it differently. three people came to mind immediately. Katie, Gwyn, Daphne. i work with these three ladies, and i've learned more from each of them than any of them probably know. these three DO love in holy and Godly ways. and this is where my light bulb moment came from.
Katie: this woman.. wow. she is my guardian angel, my mama, my friend, my mentor, my soul mate in some ways. she took me in so quickly- i felt an immediate connection to her, i couldn't explain it but i just felt drawn to her. i had mentioned needing to get some sippy cups for penny to try, and next thing i know she brought me some to work. i needed dark jeans for work photos...she brought me two pairs. she found me some black pants for work, handed 'em over. she is so giving and loving. she collects people i say- she just wants to love everyone and help anyone she can in any way. she has shown me what it means to be there for people, and inspired me to pay it forward. she has been a huge huge part in my cold bitter heart changing. she just inspires me in so many ways, and i love her so much. she showed me the power of prayer- i was amazed. she asked for prayers for a friend, for a particular request, and days later those prayers were answered. it blew my mind- i don't know that i've ever seen prayers answered before. or maybe i had and didn't realize it at the time. after that, i opened my heart to her and told her things i've never told anyone before- i asked her to pray for me. for my family. i told her i needed the help. and that i saw how those prayers were answered, so in my desperation i wanted her to pray for us. she has done so much more for us, her and her husband. but we'll keep that between us, our little secret.
Gwyn: my manager! she is easy to talk to, and is there for me. i've had nice talks with her, with tears in my eyes. i've told her how awkward i feel talking about God, praying, but how i want to. i just can't seem to get comfortable with it. she has given me such good advice, and been such a good sounding board for me. she saw i was looking for a cross necklace, and magically she gifted me one. i told her i've never worn a cross with it actually meaning something- and i feel ready to wear it now as an outward symbol of my faith and work towards God. i was sure i had one but when i looked through my jewelry box i was surprised to see i didn't have one. so BAM...she had one. she has told me she is praying for me and is there for me whenever i want to talk- and it means a lot to me.
Daphne: this lady. talk about strength. Daph lost her grand baby last month. he was 4 months old, and just never woke up from his nap one day. i'll never forget that day- her husband showed up to tell her.....the cry of pain i heard from her office is one i'll never forget. everyone in the office was in tears. it shocked me how quickly my own tears came. i can't even imagine that kind of pain. through it all she has shown grace, love, and most of all faith. her faith never faltered. she continued praying and leaning on God. and i thought " why would something like this happen? why would God let this happen? and how can she still love God and lean on Him, believe in Him?" her faith is as strong as ever, and it is truly an inspiration to me.
so you see...God WAS speaking to me. through them. and it hit me this morning in church, hearing that verse. it was just a crazy feeling. all this time i was waiting to hear from Him, He was using them to chat with me.
these people, all of them, i work with- are changing my heart. they inspire me in so many areas of life but most especially my faith. they make me want to be better, to help others, to pay it forward, to show kindness every chance i get. my heart became so hard and bitter. it is slowly but surely softening up, and i feel it. i can tell by my thoughts, my way of thinking. it feels good. this last year has been so difficult, painful, stressful. i continued wondering why, why did i lose my job- why did i lose it when i did, and how i did. it was awful. i held on to it for so long- and almost a year later i understand. it happened so i could be here, where i am now. working where i am, for who i am, and with all these amazing people. it needed to happen- i didn't understand that until today.
" what are your thoughts on pre determination, fate, free will? Joey and I were talking about this last night- my question was: why would God allow such awful things to happen? The preacher who went to the gym and came home to find his pregnant wife shot and killed....He is vigilant in his faith. he prays. he lives a Christian life. so why does this happen? to him? And the lady who was killed at Walmart-why? I'm not trying to start a debate- just really want to hear your thoughts. In my struggle with faith, and work towards God- these are the questions i continue having."
i posted this question on facebook the other day, cause this is something i struggle with a lot. i don't understand why such awful things happen, why God allows it to. i've heard quite a few answers, church even had a teaching on it one sunday- but i still struggle with it. a lot of people answered and had a lot of great things to say, one in particular struck me. joey. penny's godfather and our good friend. i kept going back to his response.
" It all goes back to Adam and Eve. God gave us free will to love and free will to sin. All sin has a consequence. If God forced us to love Him we would all be robots, and that is not true love. We all live in a Fallen Godless world. This world is satan and his demons playground. This world rejects God. God sits in heaven His foot stool is the earth. Sometimes we will never understand God's will until we get to heaven. I'm sure God is sickened and saddened by all his children that die at the hand of evil. We must eradicate evil. God says he will be back in the end of days to throw and cast satan and his minions into the lake of fire. We don't know when that day is. But until then we must put on the full armor of God. We all struggle with the questions from time to time. I still don't know who murdered my sister? God can take everything ugly in life and make it new and beautiful if we continue to put our trust in Him. Hope this helps. Satan is always trying to shake our faith. Satan's greatest lie is to make us believe none of this exists. To make us believe there is no heaven or hell. To make us believe there is no hope. Satan is a liar and he is only come to deceive, devour, steal, and kill. God save us, and equip us to fight against our enemy! I hope this helps, we can talk in person sometime if you would like. God bless you. I love you and your family."
also in church today-the music. i've heard this song at church before but today it brought tears to my eyes and gave me goosebumps. thats a first. here are the lyrics:
When Death was Arrested
Alone in my sorrow and dead in my sin
Lost without hope with no place to begin
Your love made a way and let mercy come in
When death was arrested and my life began
Now ash was redeemed only beauty remains
And my orphan heart was given a name,
My mourning grew quiet and my feet rose to dance
When death was arrested and my life began
Your grace so free washes over me
You have made me new, now life begins with You
Its your endless love pouring down on us
You have made me new now life begins with You.
Released from my chains I'm a prisoner no more
My shhame was a ransom You faithfully bore
He canceled my debt and He called me His friend
When death was arrested and my life began.
Your grace so free washes over me
You have made me new, now life begins with You
Its your endless love pouring down on us
You have made me new now life begins with You.
Our savior displayed on a criminals cross
And darkness rejoiced as though Heaven had lost
But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand
When death was arrested and my life began
Your grace so free washes over me
You have made me new, now life begins with You
O we're free, free, forever we're free
Come join the song of all the redeemed.
O we're free, free, forever amen.
When death was arrested and my life began.
O we're free, free, forever we're free
Come join the song of all the redeemed.
O we're free, free, forever amen.
When death was arrested and my life began
When death was arrested and my life began
When death was arrested and my life began.
Joey and I passed notes during church today...i know i'm a jackalope Christian- meaning I believe in God and am a Christian, but I'm not living a full Christian life- I'm doing what I want to do. Heres our little notes about that....
all in all. i've been reflecting a lot today since leaving church this morning. today was a big step for me in my little journey. i'm most definitely a work in progress.
