combat ptsd.

a soldier's story here.

symptoms can include:

-nightmares

-flashbacks

-rage

-numbness

-suicidal

-anxiety attacks

and so much more.

triggers can be anything:

-traffic

-fireworks

-a car back firing.

-a crowd of people.

-loud, sudden noises.

-stress.

-movies, tv shows.

-alcohol, drugs.

stuck study.

a week or so ago i posted on facebook asking if anyone had recommendations for a devotional. i've been looking for a while and am apparently very picky. i don't want something with a cutesy story and daily verse- thats not what i needed. i wanted something that would force me to crack open my bible, really dig in deep, and work through the struggles in my faith and relationship with God. MANY were suggested and i looked them all up. as soon as i read about Stuck, i knew it was perfect for me.

even this morning, sitting in my car in the parking lot at work, i read the first couple pages of the introduction and knew it was the right one for me.

'we are broken.'

so, here goes nothing.

it begins by asking me to identify three places in which i feel most stuck: finances, hurt, family.

finances: we are struggling, and have been- i'll leave it at that.

hurt: i'm just hurt, plain and simple. sad, broken, down.

family: #daddyissues .... life with a three year old, issues with various parts of my family.

Romas 8: this addresses two ways to live- the first: to know God, to be His, to be filled with His spirit and to enjoy life and peace. the second: to be enslaved to our flesh, constantly pleasing it, and feeling sin & death in it all.

' see, when we step in to faith with Him, God shatters everything. He changes every relationship, how we spend our time, our motives, our passions, how we live and how we die.'

this struck a cord with me- because i'm seeing it happen before my eyes. since i've started to really focus on my faith, daily, and put effort in to figuring it all out- i've seen changes. in my life in general, the way i think, my reactions, my relationships, most of all- my heart.

Study: read Romans 8:1-17  

'Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who lives in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation- but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will love. For those who are lead by the Spirit of God are the children of God. the Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry "Abba, Father". The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs- heris of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

So there are two sides to the war from this verse: the side of those who follow the Spirit of God vs. those who live according to their flesh. it reminds me of a message from church a couple weeks ago: living in a Christian worldview vs living a non-christian world view. (you can see it HERE.)

Isaiah 53:6 ' All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned- every one- to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Christ the iniquity of us all'

i have most definitely turned to my own way, my entire life. selfish, self-centered, living a non christian world view lifestyle and not thinking twice or feeling badly about it. until now. the places in life that we are stuck, is a space that longs for God and his forgiveness. when we are honest with ourselves in terms of our sin, we realize the need for God and call out to Him. thats what i'm doing right now.

see, i always saw religion and faith, a relationship with God- as an obligation. something we just had to do, had to believe. which is probably why it often felt forced and fake to me. but now i see it for what it is: our choice.

who are you Lord? and what do you want from me?

where do you go to find life, to find God? 12Stone Church, and random facebook messages with a select few.

what are things that steal joy from you? stress, lack of sleep, broken relationships, worry.

Sources of life & peace:

- in your relationships:

-in your home:

in your mind:

-in your schedule

-in your daily decisions:

Sources of sin & death:

-in your relationships:

-in your home:

-in your mind:

-in your schedule:

-in your daily decisions:

2 Corinthians 12:10 ' for the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong'

- How could this verse transform your view of your weaknesses?

God lives in me....true or false?

Do you understand that no act on your part will achieve salvation for you? yes.

Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that He is God? this is one i have always struggled with- just because i don't understand. how is one person the father, son , AND holy spirit? if He is all in one...how is He sitting next to himself, or send Himself down to earth to save us..or...huh? i really don't understand this one.

Do you believe that He took your place in His death on the cross to pay for your sin? yes.

Do you believe that He has risen from the dead and now sits at the right hand of God the Father? yes, and see question 2....?

Have you placed your life in the hands of this God for salvation and hope? yes, many years ago. and again, now.

i have a lot of work to do. there are some parts of this first devotion i left blank, because i'm drawing a blank. but, that means i got what i wanted: a devotional that will force me to dig deep and really think.

gotta start somewhere, and this is a dang good start ya'll.

intentional living.

didn't make it to church, again- sick kiddos! but joey was able to go, and he (and some friends) all told me how good it was this week. i've been wanting to watch it ever since, and tonight was my first chance. so, sitting by the fire-by the light of the christmas tree, i watched.

you can see it here: http://12stone.com/watch/intentional-christmas/intentional-living/

(and John Maxwell's book here: http://www.amazon.com/Intentional-Living-Choosing-Life-Matters/dp/1455548170/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449538303&sr=8-1&keywords=john+maxwell+intentional+living )

 if everyday you could add value to other people's lives, and at the same time Jesus is recognizing it and saying to you ' Thank You, you've just added value to Me'...would you say that would be a significant day? Living a life that really matters?

 for our life to really matter and count, we need to see the big picture.

- Matthew 25: 31-40 (Jesus values people). "Master what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?" ..... "whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me- you did it to me."

Jesus values people so much that when we add value to others, He takes it personally.

Jesus became one of us. Because He thinks so highly of us, and values us so much He left Heaven to come be with us. If you don't see Jesus in the picture when you see people, you don't have the right picture. we need to see Jesus all the time.

 every one has the opportunity to add value to people, no one is lacking in that way.

- Matthew 25:42 'whenever you fail to do one of these things to someone being over looked or ignored, that was Me. you failed to do it to Me.'

when we miss that opportunity, we miss the opportunity to minister to Jesus. this helps us see the people we come in to contact with daily in a whole different light. God feels far away? start loving people, care for people- He will begin feeling very close. (this statement hit me in all the feels cause i have been experiencing it almost daily for the last few months)

At this point John starts telling a story about going out to eat with his family. the waiter was killin' it with customer service and really taking care of them. he started talking with him and the waiter told him he works part time there to try and funnel some money in to a business he is starting, that it wasn't going well but he was trying. John said he had a nice talk with him, and felt compelled to gift him financially. the waiter was so blown away and told him how much it meant to him, he gave him  a hug and as John was walking away he said it dawned on him, "Jesus just hugged me, that was Jesus."

 No one saw the big picture of adding value to others.

Seeing the big picture = seeing Jesus in people's lives.

- It makes insignificant acts, significant. It upgrades everything we do.

Do you think those people that did value to others, if they saw Jesus in others, do you think they'd do more good things? YES.

people who did not do good things or add value to others, if they saw Jesus in others...do you think they would've gotten more involved? YES.

 not only need to see the big picture, but i need to be intentional. i need to be intentional because the moment i am, i increase my acts of good works.

 ' everything worthwhile is uphill' -- nothing is easy, automatic, by chance. the only way you go uphill is by being intentional.

Three words to describe intentional living: Deliberate, Consistent, Willful.

Deliberate : i think about my life and reflect on it.

Consistent : i am intentional on a daily baiss, not just once in a while.

Willful : i made a choice to be intentional.

we are not naturally inclined to think of others first, we are born selfish.

 Five everyday essentials to be intentional:

1. every day i value people. Jesus valued everybody. (including the overlooked and ignored)

- Connect with people: everyone needs a friend, everyone has good in them, everyone wants to feel valued, everyone can help me by adding value to me (so i decide to receive it), everyone wants to better their life.

2. every day i think of ways to add value to people. (think ahead, be intentional)

3. look for ways to add value to people.

4. every day i do things that values people.

good intentions have no value, unless they become good actions.

5. every day i encourage others to add value to people.

Choose a life that matters.

John Maxwell's Thirty Day Journey: http://intentionalliving.johnmaxwell.com/30-day-journey-direct-1

i loved this message. while listening, so many people in my life came to mind. people who are already adding value to others every single day and in any way they can. these are the ones who inspire me.

it is so crazy to me how each sunday, the message has struck a cord with me so personally the last few weeks. it makes me feel like i'm on the right path, and this is all falling in to place for me finally.

i feel like i've made a big changes in my faith recently. i find it on my mind daily now, looking forward to church each week. joey and i also decided to join a small group together with some friends, and i'm really looking forward to that. i've learned that my faith grows when im around people, in fellowship, people who's hearts are on fire for God and can teach me SO much.

i've found myself praying on the way to work. the other night, Adelynn was being a hot mess three year old and i could feel my frustration rising....i started praying in my mind. thats a first for me. i haven't prayed in so long, and suddenly i seem to be praying all the time.

i suddenly have this intense interest in learning everything i can about God and faith in general. looking for devotionals, looking in to small groups, talking with my friends and family who are strong in their faith.

big things for me. each week seems to get better and better when it comes to my faith.

something cool? 12stone had a reverse offering in ALL services on sunday...when i heard about it my draw dropped. read about it here:  http://danreiland.com/a-reverse-offering/

dear God, please help me continue to learn about You. Grow closer to you. please help me look at the world more intentionally, and look for ways to add value to people- whether it be financially, a hug, a helping hand, whatever- ANY WAY i can help. help me to start noticing those opportunities and find the creativity to make things happen for people. please continue bringing these amazing people in my life, right now- when i need it most. help me to grow closer to You, and to see You in others. just help me. Amen.