keepin' the faith.

ok folks, pity party over. sorry bout that....

had a rough week, and it took me a bit to snap out of it. the biggest help was starting back at the dental office.

so grateful to be welcomed back with open arms. i stopped by a couple days before i started back and was welcomed with lots of hugs, smiles, and love. it seriously feels awesome to feel wanted, to feel like i'm coming back to family. it makes me feel even more that this is where i need to be. i did feel like a huge failure that working at home didn't work out after i'd worked so hard for it-- but, i'm more calm and clear headed now. it was nice to sit down on my first day back and just slip right back in to it, like i'd never left. great feeling!

i do miss seeing baby and joey in the mornings. i leave the house around 6:30 and joey gets up for work around 7:30 and baby doesn't get up till about 8. i miss seeing her every morning. it truly is my most favorite part of the day-- flippin' her light on, she pops up with a huge smile and gets so excited to see you! my happy girl. i love all the morning snuggles and smiles! so i'll miss that. but getting off at 3 gets me home about 3:30 so gives me time in the afternoon with her and to get some dinner ready.

overall i'm thankful. very very grateful.

we're still chuggin' along on selling the house. we MAY have hit a speed bump with the new home, me changing jobs...not the best timing. but we'll hear this week sometime if its going to be an issue. hopefully not, i want to move forward with it. so close to making it happen! hopefully all goes well, and we're able to sell our home!

so lately its been adjusting to changes, and focusing on the house. but tonight relaxin' on the couch i just kinda thought to myself 'man, i'm a lucky girl'

glad i finally snapped outta that funk.

insomnia.

ya'll. i can't sleep-- again. this is becoming a habit. and not the good kind. i'm so tired, then i lay down and my mind just goes to work.

i don't even know what to do with myself right now.

i feel lost.

when did i get so emo? we all know i'm on the emotional side but i feel like a lost, hot mess lately.

i feel like a failure, like i don't even know where to go from here. i had goals. one of them, probably the biggest most important one to me- is gone. the others, are in the works.

so now i lay in bed at night, sad. and just re-assessing the shit out of everything. what now?

i have so much to be grateful for, and i know it. i am blessed in many ways, have a lot that some don't. my needs are met. so what is my problem?

i guess, i just....don't know what to do now. like, struggling to even get my thoughts down right here and now. thats how jumbled up it is in my head.

i guess, i'm thinking i don't want to just go through the motions of life. i don't want to settle. i'm a determined and motivated person and i lost that a few days ago. i had/have all these goals i was constantly striving for- it was forever in the fore front of my mind. and now i'm low, so low that i'm just drawing a blank on all of it.


all i know is, the first priority is survival. taking care of my family in every way- so that i guess, is what i will focus on right now. don't get me wrong, that is always and will always be my TOP priority-- but i was always striving to do more than 'just survive'. more than going through the motions. more than just treading water. living life, achieving goals, REALLY LIVING and succeeding.


probably the lamest, most boring blog i've ever written in the 5 years i've been blogging. figures.

hopes crushed.

i can't sleep. i am so tired, but my mind will not shut up.

ya'll, this is me. officially giving up on having adelynn home with me. that is really hard for me to say, and makes me cry so easily. today has been a very very rough day.

i know it seems crazy, i mean i just shouted from the roof tops not too long ago about how my dreams finally came true. theres a lot to it, and for now it is just too private to lay it all out in such a public place. but there it is.

its done.

i've worked for this for so long. this has been my motivation, my drive, my goal- every single day since i was pregnant. to NOT have this goal/thought in my head is going to be so weird. my heart literally hurts. i feel like a big fat failure.

by the way, if you didn't realize, you've all been invited to my pity party.

baby girl will be back in daycare full time (again) tomorrow. so much for that. this bothers me for many reasons:

- i want to raise my child
- i don't want to miss a thing
- if/when we move we have to think about daycare. if we move too far she can't go where she is now, and i don't want her anywhere else. if she is in daycare at all, i want her where she is. but i also don't want daycare location to dictate where we move. make sense? vicious cycle.
- i just want to be a mommy and spend time with my child
- i want to save the money

being a mommy, is what i want. i worked hard, non stop, determined, motivated and finally achieved it. and now its gone.

so whats next?

hopefully sleep.

Official Listing

You can now find our house listed on various real estate sites, facebook, craigslist, and our agent's site as well!

SO EXCITING!

Heres' hoping we get some bites, and ultimately a great offer so we can move on up and outta here! we've worked really hard on the house, our realtor took some awesome pictures, and we're just patiently (or...impatiently on my part) waiting to start have some showings!


Fingers crossed all goes well!

http://www.lambrosrealtyllc.com/index.html