ONE YEAR.

12 months, ONE YEAR. it finally came.

holy moly!

Friday 4/12 was baby's birthday, so I took off work and spent the whole day with my girl. she was a bit fussy from teething so we spent the day at home, being lazy and playing! I of course cried a few times through out the day, ha. I woke her up in the morning by singing happy birthday to her, and she stood there in her crib justa smilin' away at me!

Saturday 4/13 was her birthday party! we had it at my in-laws house cause they have a little more room than we do at our house. we wanted to keep it small and low key- cause its just more inexpensive (lets keep it real!), and we wanted it to be very chill. I think it went well, but I hate to say it-I spent most of the day stressed out. The normal stress that comes along with any party,but on top of it my granny ended up in the hospital very randomly- so my mom was with her, and I was getting phone calls/texts on that. With that in the back of my mind, chasing baby, and trying to play a good host-it was stressful (for me at least).
But overall it was awesome. We had perfect weather! Decorations were all hand made by my SILs, Vik, and myself. I also used a lot of sentimental things for decor-- hung a clothesline with all her monthly tutu pictures, another clothesline with the outfit we brought her home from the hospital in, her baby book was out along with some photo books I'd made, photo albums, 'On the night you were born' for everyone to sign/write in, her "first sunglasses" (aka her NICU goggles), first tutu, etc. I wanted it to be special, sentimental- so all of those things were far better decorations in my book! My SIL of course made the cake and it was awesome, Joey grilled all the food and it was delicious, and overall I think everyone had a good time!
Baby got spoiled rotten with gifts- lots of clothes, which was perfect since we had NO 12 month clothes! She was a little party girl too- not shy at all, our normal happy girl, and ended up skipping her second nap AND staying up two hours past bedtime! She had a blast, and a full day--we all slept hard that night! Heres some pictures from the party:

And what better way to celebrate her first year of birth than good news all around?? Joey was accepted in to Gwinnett Tech and will start in May! So proud of him for bettering himself, and things for our family!

I also was offered (and accepted!) a job with AdjusterPro! I'm now a Career Consultant for them, and so far am loving it. Coworkers are awesome people to work with. But the coolest part? Its 100% from home! After over a year of me crying about this (ha) it has finally happened! I now work totally from home, full time, and they are totally supportive of me having Adelynn home with me! For now she will stay at daycare, I wanted to get through all my training first, get a good feel for my work flow/demand, and get in to a routine before I bring her in to the mix. This is my first week, and its very cool so far. I get up and showered in the morning, and get to see Joey & Adelynn- which is a great way to start my day! He leaves for work/to take her to daycare, and I sip my coffee on the couch till my work day starts. At the moment my brain is mush from all the new information, but I'm really enjoying it so far and feel SO BLESSED to have this opportunity. This has been a long time coming, and I've been determined for SO LONG to make this happen.

Its amazing the difference a year can make! And thanks to my baby girl, it has only gotten better everyday. Joey and I were laying in bed last night talking about how awesome she is, how lucky we are, the day she was born-- and then we both just wanted to go grab her and snuggle her. We both adore her, and dont underestimate or under-appreciate how lucky we are to have her. I can hardly remember life without her, and I never want to. I am one weepy mama about the fact that I have a one year old, but I am SO proud of her.

We took her to her one year check up last week! She is 21 Ibs and 30in. She has almost 14 teeth, has been walking for two months, and is just all over the dang place! She is SO MUCH fun! I love her personality. Such a happy, silly little baby. and yes, I will always call her baby!

breath.

breath. just breath.

i keep telling myself that, a lot lately. my mind is full, my body exhausted. my heart aches. there is so much going on right now i wouldn't even know where to start, even if i COULD discuss everything-which i can't. i feel burnt out, overwhelmed, and mainly--tired.

along with these unspoken things, theres everyday life. working full time- i start my day at 5am. working with patients every day i try my best to always be smiling, always be helpful and polite. you gotta have thick skin though, in any patient based or customer service job-- or you'll get eaten alive. i know this, but it doesn't make it easier.  people are always looking for someone to blame, thats just the truth. after working i rush home to start my other job: mommy and wife. i either pick up baby, play with her/get dinner ready for when joey gets home. OR (what i've been doing lately) go straight home to sit and breath for a bit before joey gets home with baby. sometimes i feel guilty about this- i'm constantly complaining about not having more time with my girl. other times i don't feel guilty- because shes napping late at daycare and is still asleep. but the guilty part far out weighs the rare occasions she is still sleeping. i am constantly struggling to find the balance of a working mother- and almost a year in to it, i've yet to figure it out. if i'm good at one thing, the other suffers.

and i'm exhausted.

seriously, have i mentioned i'm tired? i want to go to the doctor to get checked out- the constant fatigue is a little much, and i just want to look in to it. maybe its nothing, maybe its life. but i don't remember ever being this tired. when i was pregnant, when i had a newborn, nada. the sad thing is, i don't have health insurance. i can't afford to pay out of pocket, i can't afford insurance, and i make too much for Medicaid. funny how that little cycle works huh? i haven't had insurance in almost 5 years. amazing. it is so frustrating to want to go to the doctor, and not be able to.

this lack of insurance also plays a part in baby #2. i always joke that my baby fever never went away, and seriously...it never did. i love being a mommy. with no insurance...how the heck would we ever manage that? not to mention, we can't afford daycare for two. which leads in to me being a SAHM and not having to worry about the cost of daycare...well, can't afford that either. so if i worked...id be working to pay for daycare, plus probably hit negative numbers- as in, it would COST us money for me to work. this dream of being a SAHM? i've been so determined, so focused on achieving that goal. and a year later- i'm discouraged. big time. i feel like i have literally done everything i can to make that happen, and had no results. i'm so hard headed, stubborn, determined- i get something in my head, and get tunnel vision until it happens.
this one has stumped me, big time. and its heartbreaking. joey is doing everything he can to provide for our family-- he works over time every single day, every weekend. he's applied to go back to school, which after completing will bring amazing things to our family. he's busting his ass, and i know in the end it'll all be worth it, we just have to be patient.

these "things i can't discuss" are taking a toll. heartbreaking, frustrating, angering, just overall emotional. i'm sitting here staring at the screen, theres so much i could say....but i can't.

all i know is, i'll keep fighting, keep working, keep moving forward. i will continue doing everything i can to provide for my family, to be the best mommy and wife i can, to not fall apart and just keep moving. it seems like my entire life has been challenge after challenge, and in weak moments i want to ask God 'why??'...i'm tired. i'm tired of fighting so hard. sometimes i wish i didn't care so much because surely it would be easier? but thats not me, thats not who i am. so i keep fighting.

11 months.

11 months-- 3/12/13

holy macaroni! only one more month until my sweet baby is ONE YEAR OLD. i'm in full on party planning mode (and stressing, of course) to get everything done! While also getting her Easter stuff together for her first Easter! NUTS!

- 3 meals a day, 3 bottles, 100% table food

-Bedtime is still 7:30 pm but hopefully we can start pushing it a bit later

-2 naps a day, morning/afternoon

- working on FIVE new teeth right now, which will make 13!

- WALKING! she started this last month actually, shortly after 10 months. NUTS. she is 100% walking 24/7 now!

- Climbing everything (hate it!)

-Gives hugs and kisses!

-She is SO tall we finally had to buy new car seats (thank god for Craigslist, we got two)

and as always...she is our usual awesome booger! Shes been very clingy lately- I think a bit of separation anxiety along with the teething, shes just not been feelin' great. but I am LOVING all the cuddle time, she just wants to be held and it couldnt be better timing. I've been so weepy lately with her first birthday coming up. It really went too fast for me, I still see her as this tiny newborn we brought home from the hospital but she is far from it.She is way more toddler now and its so bitter sweet. She is so awesome,so smart, and I am so proud of her. She is SO MUCH FUN right now just playing her little heart out and so cuddly and sweet. I LOVE that she gives hugs and kisses, it absolutely makes my day! I'm assuming I'll be a hot mess for the next month, and especially on her actual bday/at her party!

Her party outfit is ordered, and I'm super excited about it. I had such a hard time picking one out, I couldnt make up my mind-- but as soon as I saw it on Zulily I knew it was perfect.Its so pretty, rockin the chevron, and it goes with the theme of her party "You Are My Sunshine". Her invitations are STUPID cute, and I found some really cute decor on Pinterest for the party-- my SILs are helping me DIY everything in the next couple weeks! I'm still working on a matching headband for her outfit,and I need to find her some cute sandals or something too. My SIL Becca is of course making her cake, and we picked out the cutest one (I of course, found it on Pinterest). Theres not a ton left to do but I feel like there is! I also have to get all her Easter stuff together! LOTS of fun stuff coming up.

I'm planning to take off work her actual birthday-- so I can spend the day with her :) then her party will be the next day! We're keeping the guest list very minimal-- just immediate family and some of our bestfriends-all the people who have played a big role in her life!

Only one more tutu monthly picture...can't believe it.

Drug Addiction: The Final Chapter

IT FINALLY HAPPENED!

I AM TOTALLY, 100% OFF ZOLOFT!

Best feeling EVER. I struggled hard in December. By January I was holding strong and still just suffering through it.

and now? I'm awesome :) No more pills, no more side affects, no more withdrawal symptoms.

Thank the LORD!

10 months.

10 months old!

- 2 naps a day

-3 bottles a day (shes started taking less formula though, 5-6 oz instead of 9)

- 100% table food at every meal

- crawling, pulling up, climbing

-taking steps more and more frequently unassisted

-walking assisted

- 10 teeth

-dancing and clapping all the time!

After 3 long weeks of a tooth coming in and having a fussy, snotty, drooly baby- she is 100% back to her happy self! She still has a small rash on her chin from all the drool but other than that she is doin' good! Climbing like crazy which scares the crap outta this mommy, but she is her daddy's daughter!

she is not only refusing baby food at this point, but is eating us out of house and home! funny at her 9 month check up the doctor said she was under weight! She eats like CRAZY. She will keep eating as long as you sit there feeding her,and loves to snack on cheerios throughout the day. Shes had some good eats too- country fried steak, corn bread, roast, black eyed peas, pasta, ground turkey, etc. she loves everything we've given her. Last night we tried peanut butter for the first time- and like i assumed, zero allergic reactions. she LOVED it!

she is also taking less formula- we continued making 9oz bottles like we have been for months but she as only taking maybe 5-6 so we started cutting it back, that seems to be the perfect amount for her! probably because she is eating so much table food now.

can't believe i'm actually actively planning her first birthday party! i've found myself weepy more and more lately!

9 months!

9 months on 1/12/13!

- 18 Ibs

-28 inches

- 9 month clothes

- size 4 shoe

-two naps a day

- three bottles

- LOTS of table food

- crawlin' like a champ

- NINE teeth

- pulling up on everything

-assisted walking like crazy

- a handful of sturdy unassisted steps

-new daycare

-self soothing extraordinaire

our baby girl is nine months old! i still see her as my itty bitty baby but she is far from the newborn we brought home! she is super active and all over the place. Actually at her 9 month check up this week the doctor told me she was under weight! i was shocked since i always hear what a big baby we have (which i dont agree with, shes tiny to me!). he said he wanted her closer to 20 ibs but it could be because shes tall, and how active she is. she is pretty much refusing baby food at this point so shes eating what we eat, LOVES cheerios, and bottles of course. Shes also a pro with the sippy cup finally, which usually has water or pedialite in it. no juice yet! she is our typical happy girl, always smiling-laughing-and clapping. She loves to play and tries her best to keep up with the big kids! she loves music and anytime it comes on she starts dancin along, it is the cutest thing ever. Violet has quickly become her FAVORITE toy!

 she started a new daycare this month and we LOVE IT so far.

the daycare is an in home daycare right here in our neighborhood, one street over! so its super convenient  and theres only a handful of other kids there which is perfect. she loves chasing older kids around,and shes getting lots of social interaction. AND (mommy bonus) shes getting the attention i want her to get, and is loved so much by Ms.Freda! I can text her anytime I want, she sends me pictures, keeps me updated through out the day, and has gotten her back on schedule with her naps 2x a day. we seriously couldnt be happier. Shes stimulated all day long, and so happy when i pick her up. it was a stretch financially but its so worth it. Ms.Freda reminds me and joey so much of his mom- and adelynn LOVES her.

im already brainstorming ideas for her first birthday party- i cant believe how soon it is! i took off work for her actual birthday so i can spend all day with her, itll be all about adelynn that day! :) i dont know what we'll do yet- i wanted to take her to the zoo or do something fun, but we'll see. we may just hang out at home, or go meet the grandma's for lunch. who knows!

this was by far my hardest photo shoot lol-- she was standing, crawling, and diving all over the place! it took me two different attempts to try to get a good one! very active baby ;)

8 months.

 8 month old baby girl!

-2 naps a day
- 3 bottles
-2 servings of fruits/veggies (lunch n dinner)


LOVES:

-peek a boo!
-bein' busy, so curious of everything
- crawling like a monkey
-standing/pulling up
-books, finally!
-anything she can chew
- mommy & daddy ;)


NEW:

-Standing hands free for a good length of time!
-1 tooth on bottom
- 2 teeth on top: one has broken through, waiting on the other!
- clapping! she is so cute when she does it too!
- sayin' MaMa!! (and i got it on video too!!)


i say it every month but really....8 months already!? SLOW DOWN TIME! She is such a happy, fun, playful baby! Even with the teething shes takin' it like a champ. A bit of fussiness but nothin' major. Sometimes she'll wake up at night and need some comfort, other times we'll hear her in her crib just a singin' her own little song! and chewin' on the hard part of her paci haha. poor baby, three teeth at once, and two of 'em are takin their time! as always, she is awesome & amazing..and all other good things! ;)