Struggle.

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

sigh. i feel like God is testing me a lot lately. i'm trying so hard not to get discouraged, but its difficult. i try to keep in mind there are people out there way worse off than us. we're blessed, i know that and remind myself daily.

my whole life i keep waiting for things to get easier, my WHOLE life. just seems like its one thing after another; in a way i'm glad because its made me tough, strong. but sometimes i just dont want to be strong. i'm exhausted by it. sometimes i want to be selfish and just 'do me'. i've always been a people pleaser, thats just who i am. its a blessing and a curse. i dont like when people are upset with me, or don't like me- it bugs me. but i'm also one of those people that will be a loyal friend, help any way i can, and be there 24/7. this is why i went to school (dropped out...whoops) to go in to psychology. i thrive on helping people. but it doesn't work both ways....when i ask for help or just need someone or something- it comes off as selfish and self centered. i hate that.

sometimes, i need someone too. i get let down a lot. i'm by no means perfect- not at all, far from it. i know i've hurt people, let people down, disappointing them- but its never ever intentional. my intentions are always good.

i just dont understand why things have to be so hard, so difficult. i'm so ready to catch a break and just have things be easy for once. i'm proud at how hardworking joey & i both are, everything we have was earned. we are the type of people that arent afraid of hard work, and earning our way. but sometimes i just wish we were lucky like others i see.

and i dont understand why sometimes the people closest to you, assume things that are so totally wrong. it hurts, and its frustrating. i would think these people would give you the benefit of the doubt. you would think. but thats not always the case. and its sad. i try SO hard never to make assumptions or judge a book by its cover- because you only see what people want you to see, let you see. you have no idea whats really going on, and thats their right--its their business. i find myself judging others and quickly try to snap out of it-- i try so hard to keep in mind that i don't know their story, and i don't need to make assumptions or judgments.

i'm just going to keep doing what i'm doing. working hard, never giving up, and trying to be the best person i can be. thats all i really can do. i can't do everything, i can't fix everything, be everything to everyone. my first and most important priority is my baby girl & my marriage, everything else comes second and i've gotta keep that in mind.

“Nothing is given to man on earth - struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possible - the hero is the man who lets no obstacle prevent him from pursuing the values he has chosen.”