I have a hard time saying No when people ask me to do things, whether it be a favor, a hang out, dinner, whatever! Then I TRY to find some time for just ME (which since becoming a mommy just doesn't happen, but thats okay because i'm obsessed with my baby girl) for things like cleaning my house, doing laundry (wait..is that considered me time now??), getting my hair cut,etc. When I do find a sliver of time and may have to leave an obligation a little early to do such things...all of a sudden I'm considered selfish. Its hard. I've always been one of those people...you know...I don't like when people are mad at me, or don't like me. Since becoming a mommy, the mama bear factor has come into play with the attitude of " well whatever, my daughters most important and if you dont like what i'm doing you can suck my toe!" ...so lately i've been trying to find a balance. Balance of a working mother...balancing being a good employee who needs to be available 24/7, to being a mommy and wife- cooking dinner, cleaning, taking care of our family AND finding some down time to enjoy joey & baby. its hard. Then I try to find the balance of not having the F*ck You! attitude of totally NOT caring what people think...but also not letting caring TOO much what people think run my life. I keep reminding myself- I'm a mommy now. MY little family of three IS most important. No matter what. Its a constant struggle.
I've over booked myself something fierce these last couple months (and I see no end in sight until September!), and its exhausting. I'm constantly on my phone for work, or checking my calender 50 times a day, coordinating things, working on refinancing our house, working on different bills to try and lower them as much as possible, slowly working on putting together a garage sale, trying to keep up Adelynn's journal and baby book, we have plans every single weekend (I dont know how that happened, we're not that popular!), family dinners, etc. its a lot! At the end of the day I still try to make sure I have time with joey and baby, and then at the very bottom of my list...myself. I don't WANT time away from hubs OR baby! but i think sometimes I need some time to just be alone, read a book, write, just decompress and clear my mind! My mind is always filled with whats coming up the next day, what I need to get done, making mental notes of things, and my desk/purse/car/house is filled with to do lists, post its, etc. that have grocery lists scribbled on them, stuff i dont want to forget to do, stuff i need to pick up, etc. IT IS INSANE.
blah.
and hey, how bout that psycho that shot up the movie theater in CO?? (yes, I'm jumping around randomly- I'm tellin you, this is how my mind works...its scary and confusing!) that seriously disturbed me. In a big way. I cannot imagine sitting in a movie theater with my husband and child,....and all of a sudden THAT happening. It make me shutter to think of being so vulnerable and our lives at the hands of someone like that. How awful. what the HELL is the world coming to? I told Joey I wish we could move somewhere in this world away from all the crazy. Now that we have Adelynn, my mama bear mode kicks in frequently- and all I want to do is protect her. Joey has a gun, and I've never been against them- but they always made me nervous. After this mess happened I woke up the next morning and the first thing I told Joey was " I want to get a gun" he kinda laughed at me but I told him, I'm totally serious. I hope to God I NEVER have to use it, but I fully plan on educating myself (gun safety classes, range time with joey, him teaching me how to take it apart/clean it,etc) about guns and gun safety-- because you better believe, if I was sitting in that theater with my gun on my hip and that psycho came in shooting, I would without hesitation pull the trigger to defend myself, my family, my BABY GIRL, and all those innocent people sitting there. I will do whatever it takes to protect my child. I cannot imagine losing her like that. So yes, people may disagree with me, "Guns kill people" bla bla bla...and thats okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I'm not going to hate on anyone for disagreeing with me. This is the decision I've made, and I'll sleep better at night knowing I'm prepared. Like I said, I hope I'm never put in a situation where I have to use it.
heres what I'm planning on getting:
Taurus .380 ACP
I've already held it, and its a perfect fit, super light weight. diggin' it. I'll be getting it soon. Then joey will teach me every dang thing he knows (yay Army!), and pretty soon I'll be taking a gun safety class that my FIL's friend teaches twice a week. Then I'll get my permit. Scary huh? ;)
Busy weekend ahead...yeah surprise surprise right? Today we're window shopping for my gun, then heading to my Great Aunt's 80th birthday party! Then I'm off to get a cut/color (havent had my hair cut since Feb, colored since August 2011!), tonight we're having Britt & Zach, Lana & Nick over to hang out! Tomorrow I think we're free most of the day...fingers crossed! Until family dinner tomorrow night. Then back to work Monday. blah--weekends are NOT long enough!
and on that note, I'm going to get off here- enjoy my coffee and my family before starting a very busy day!
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