fear. i all of a sudden have this fear of getting older. i'm 24 years old, thats just crazy- i have a LOT of livin' left. it started with nightmares about losing my parents...then i was watching Hope Floats- and just lost it when Sandra Bullock went to see her Dad in the nursing home...it made me so SAD! it made me start thinking about my dad, and my mom. and then about my grandparents; and before i knew it i'd worked myself up into this emotional mess. i dont know where this fear came from; my mom said its normal for a pregnant woman...idk. it just makes me sad.
SAHM. wish i could do this. Now don't get me wrong- i absolutely love my job. and i NEVER in a million years thought i would want to stay at home, but since getting pregnant its like i already get sad thinking about going back to work. not being with my baby, dropping her off everyday...just makes me sad. LUCKILY, our 'daycare' is with my SIL Becca- so at least i'm not dropping her off at a VERY expensive germ factory with strangers. i know Becca will love her, take care of her, etc. I also work 5 min away from her house so i can be there super quick if i need to- and spend my lunch hour over there. it just makes me sad to think about not being with her :( i'm only planning to take 6 weeks of maternity leave...and i just know its going to FLY.
Preparation. i feel like theres' so much to do!! Granted i'm only 22 weeks so i have time....but theres just so much to do! i need to finish her room, not to mention buy ALL the stuff we need; we are starting from scratch so theres a lot to get. i also want to take a birth class, hospital tour, lactation class, etc. and be as educated/knowledgeable as i can! i want to get maternity pictures done...theres a couple things around the house i still wannna do before she comes... i feel like the list keeps growing and i wanna knock off as much as i can a.s.a.p.! i dont know why i feel this urgency!
Weight. i've finally started gaining weight. thankfully just in my tummy/hips- i'm okay with that. i'm just super scared i'm gonna get huge and have a hard time taking the weight off. i really want to feel confident about myself again-- i already didn't before pregnancy! i found this blog though: http://www.mamalaughlin.com/
and she is really inspiring. i'll probably be reading it every day after baby comes to get some tips/motivation. i'm just nervous about the weight gain.
Breast Feeding. I REALLY want to do it! For as long as i can! i'm just nervous- i've heard so many different things from so many different people. i realize i won't know how this is going to go until she is here. i just hope it goes smoothly for us and i can do this throughout the first year. i've been reading as much as i can to educate/prepare myself for it. and as i mentioned above; i really want to do the lactation class the hospital offers. this is important to me, its just good for baby and me; and will save us SO MUCH MONEY not having to do formula. fingers crossed it goes well.
Parenting- in general! i want to be a good mom, an amazing mom! i think i will be, i'm just nervous about the first few weeks when i'm really learning how to be a mom! its intimidating cause we've never done this before, obviously. but i think my mom and his mom will both be takin' some time off work to come in shifts lol. so i think i'll have help/support as long as i ask for it!
i just love Adelynn so much already! i want to give her the best life has to offer and just make sure she KNOWS she is loved, and that we'll always be there for her. i have so many things bouncing around my head, but i know regardless- at the end of the day? That little girl will be so loved, and always taken care of. i know we'll make it through anything, and we'll be okay.
i just need to take a deeeeeep breath, and remember that :)
