your last baby.

when do you know you're done havin' babies? done growing your family?

in my opinion, you never know. and honestly, i don't feel like i'm done. but we are done. doesn't make sense right?

we knew penny girl would be our final baby. for a lot of reasons. more babies means higher daycare costs, which we already struggle with. it means bigger cars, another (two) car seat, a bigger house. feeding and clothing another person, more doctor visits- more sick days calling out of work. and so on. financial reasons are the biggest for us. it bothers me so much that something like money dictates whether or not we have more babies.

cause i don't feel done. but we are.

i don't know if 'baby fever' ever really goes away for women? does it? i've felt it on and off throughout the years. and maybe now that adelynn is four, and penny is closer to two....i feel it more strongly. i don't have an infant anymore. i don't wake at night to rock and feed a baby. i don't have this tiny little baby, smelling like heaven, sleeping on my chest. no more burping, no more shushing, swaying, rocking.

i remember being in the midst of the infant stage, and being so tired i could cry. i wanted sleep so badly. i remember going to family functions and enjoying the moments relatives would hold our little babies- allowing us to take a breath and relax. its so funny when you're in it, you want out of it. and everyone tells you to soak it up cause 'they grow so fast'...

and yall. they do. they grow SO fast.

it makes me sad to think we'll never have another. it makes my heart ache (or, is it my ovaries?) to think i'll never be pregnant again.

i had a great pregnancy (aside from gaining 60 ibs) and horrific delivery with adelynn. i had a miserable pregnancy (think: puking , daily) and easy delivery with penny. lack of sleep. so uncomfortable. no beer! no caffeine. aches, pains, millions of doctor's appointments, lots of money. but oh, how i miss it. how i miss that big belly, and those baby kicks. those special moments of seeing your little on an ultrasound, wondering who they would look like. what their personality would be like. poking and pressing on your tummy to get a reassuring kick back.

to think i'll never experience it again breaks my heart.

so here it is ladies: enjoy it. every miserable, and joyful, moment of your pregnancy. soak up those sleepless nights and screaming babies - yes even then (penny had colic for three months, if she was awake she was screaming, i thought we'd never make it through)-- enjoy it. bask in it. 

cause one day,you'll miss every single second of it.