serve your spouse.

when people talk about marriage you often hear things like ' put your spouse first' or ' love each other through it'..among many other things.

 i've been married 7 years now (i literally just had to stop and count on my fingers to make sure,ha).

people talk frequently about how to have a great marriage- there are thousands of books on the topic. plenty of folks employed as marriage counselors offering therapy to couples who need it. it is often a topic at church. on pinterest you can find endless amounts of ideas for date nights, gifts for your spouse, quotes on marriage, and so on. it is a popular topic!

as it should be.

my husband and i got married young (21), and had quite the unusual situation. we knew each other in middle/highschool, reconnected via facebook in college- he was stationed in germany with the army, i was here in georgia going to school. spent a total of maybe two months together in the same place, while the rest of our dating relationship took place over the phone. being young + long distance + stresses of deployments = one hot mess express of a relationship! we didn't do things the easy way, and both of us will tell ya that!

over the years i have read many blogs, articles, and books on marriage. we even spent some time in counseling. we've had our ups and downs in the 7 years that we've been married, but i feel like we didn't figure out the key until just a couple months ago.

in my last blog, i said God saved my marriage (me, and my family), and that He used 12stone to do it. i fully believe that.

during the double dog dare series, there was a message on marriage ( see it here ), and the phrase 'serve your spouse' has become our motto ever since. it was like a light bulb went off for us both. serve your spouse, show kindness, show gratitude. it seems pretty simple, and some of you may think "well, duh kelly." but see, going through the craziness of life, throwing a couple kids in to the mix, work, financial stress, and so on-- something so simple and 'duh' can actually become forgotten and/or quite difficult to do.

serve your spouse. i don't necessarily mean like, serve 'em up some food (however, that works). i mean, the little things. let me give you some examples:

- with our work schedules, i do drop off in the mornings for the kids and my husband does pick up. we've always done it that way. for the longest time, i just complained about my mornings. how stressful and frustrating it was. trying to get myself ready, get both kids ready (have you ever tried dressing a three year old who wants to pick out her own outfit-but takes half an hour to do so-, refuses to brush her teeth or hair, or put her shoes on?) grab my coffee, get out the door, get them to school, and finally get myself to work (on time!). i complained, often. one day my husband went in to work later and helped me get the kids ready and in to the car, we left at the same time- it blew my mind, and really started my day off on the right foot. i told him how much i really, really appreciated it. suddenly, he was doing it daily. that was about two months ago, and he still goes in later to help me every single morning. that may not seem like a big deal ya'll, but to me it is.

- i am off work every friday. every single friday-- whaaat? yeah, its awesome. initially i thought i would lay in bed, drink coffee, go get my nails done, hang with friends, meet my mom for lunch, and so on. but guess what? i've never done that! why? i saw it as an opportunity to serve my husband, and really to overall serve my family. i use this day each week to do every single bit of laundry in the house- i start at 7am and it takes me almost all day till about 4 or 5pm. as a load comes out, i fold it and put it away. i used to only put mine and the kid's clothes away, and would leave my husband's neatly stacked on the bed. then i decided to start putting his away for him. on top of that, i do all the dishes, clean the litter box, take the trash out, sweep and vacuum, and so on. anything that needs to be done chore-wise, i do it on friday. this does two things: it allows all the house work to be done friday so none of us have to bother with it over the weekend. it also helps my husband in small ways- he never has to worry about doing those chores cause he knows that i'll do it on friday. don't get me wrong, he often asks to help, and frequently does. but this is my way of serving my husband, weekly.

this last sunday, as i was loading the dishwasher after a meal, my husband said ' you know what? i see all the things you do around here, and i really appreciate it babe- it doesn't go un noticed' and while i don't do these things seeking praise from him, it gave me all the warm and fuzzies hearing him say that.

these are just two examples of ways we serve each other. i know, i know. it doesn't exactly scream romance. but that isn't what we're really trying to accomplish here. we are just trying to help each other, take some stress off each other. smaller ways we do this: i set the coffee pot each night, so he doesn't have to worry about it in the morning. he takes care of grocery shopping, cause he knows i hate it. i clean the litter box, just so he doesn't have to. and so on.

look for ways, big and small, that you can take some stress off of your spouse. just help them! you'd be amazed at the changes you see take place within your marriage.

another tip? pray for your spouse. and not "please just make him better" or "Lord can you make her see things my way" --- more like ' lord, please help me to be the wife my husband needs. help me to support him, encourage him, and fall in love with him over and over again'.

but the whole praying for your spouse thing? another blog, for another day :)