nostalgic

i've been in a weird place lately.

grumpy, tired, sleepless nights, bad days back to back, wondering where i'm going in my career, wondering what kind of mother ill be, trying to keep myself in check...

i catch myself being selfish, or bratty-- so weird. its weird to be able to catch myself! im glad i can do that now, because selfish and bratty are not two things i ever want to be.

the thing is, i strive to be the best person i can be. the best friend, the best wife, the best daughter, ect ect. and sometimes i think i put too much pressure on myself and it all blows up in my face. its interesting when you hit that point in your life where you're getting to know yourself. TRULY know yourself.

im human, which means im not perfect- because im not God. and i do know im my own worst critic. i beat myself up over everything! i want so badly to do great things.

more and more im starting to see who my true friends are- its becoming so clear to me now and making me cherish those true friends more than ever. i all of a sudden feel the need to purge myself of any negativity. stress and worry are two good friends of mine, unfortunatley-- and i get so worked up, so upset--i literally get sick! so how do i purge all of that out? im an adult now, i should be easily able to decide who i want in my life, and who i dont- what i want to be, and what i dont, ect. but its just...not that simple. its so much more complicated than that. LIFE is a lot more complicated than that. so what to do?


"it's sad to see that two people who use to be so close don't even recognize each other anymore... not because they grew up, but because they grew apart"

"Sometimes your friends...or 'friends' hurt you so much more than any of your enemies ever could"


i guess all i can do is continuously try to keep myself in check. try my best not to get caught up in the drama, and try as hard as i can to steer clear of the negativity i want to get rid of. try to be the best Kelly i can be. get my priorities back in order and realize: joey is my number 1, my family, my love. but even then-- before him comes God. i need to come back to him, ive wandered away in a big way and its definitley not made things better for me! i need to get back to Him. and i also need to work on ME.

i need to try HARDER to lose the weight ive been desperatley trying to lose. i need to feel good about myself again, feel pretty again.

i need to find some ME time. spend some time doing things i love like reading, writing, ect.


life is such a gift, and im ready to stop wasting it away by feeling sorry for myself- being angry- being a door mat to WAY too many people in my life... its time to LIVE.

so cheers to that-- L.I.V.I.N.G.

a whole lot of nothin!

a whole lot of nothin has been goin on-- pretty boring!

JOEYS HOME! which is def. a cause for celebration :) I missed him so much and its so great having him home finally. That was the longest two weeks ever!

we are gearin up for the A7X show next month...i couldnt be more excited :)




pretty dang excited, the new album has been on repeat in my car since i got it a couple weeks ago :) theyre missing The Rev (drummer/singer,died in Dec 09) bad, but its cool knowing he wrote a lot of the songs on the new album, and his voice is even on a few tracks- he was my fav!

nothing much else going on with us..like i said: a whole lot of nothing!

another monday down...

Day 8: a picture that makes me sad...





this was joey on leave on his last tour in iraq- saying bye to potter, gettin ready to go back :( this was about a week after we were married. it just makes me sad! he loves potter-- and that whole day was sad. but seeing him kiss and hug his little man and telling him bye just tugged my heart strings!

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what a busy day! but very productive at work. the only thing that stinks is being miserably sick all day. i SO wish i knew what was going on with me. my stomach had just SHOOTING pains all day, very uncomfortable and making it hard to focus on work. but still managed to get a lot done. stayed a bit late, and brought home some work- and it feels good. it feels good being needed, and appreciated- feeling like im doing something important. i really love it at RCD. :)

tomorrow will be fun! we have a big meeting- followed up by a low country boil and fun on the lake at my bosses lake house! jet skis, boating, fishing, swimming, tubing, and just hanging out with all my coworkers. im hoping itll be a nice, relaxing, fun day :)

hopefully joey will be home Thurs- he said theres a chance! i cant wait to see him it feels like he's been gone for a month!

off to do some more work and relax a bit...

*cheers!*

hey neighbor!

Day 7: A picture that makes you smile

well here it goes....



and yes it has a story behind it :)

Joey and I were 'boyfriend/girlfriend' through middle school and the first part of high school. then i broke up with him for the millionth time and we went our seperate ways! we reconnected about...6 years later (wow..jeez) and fell in love. the thing was- we hadnt seen eachother since that last break up in highschool! we (or..really ME!) found eachother on FB and started catching up. FBing led to emailing, emailing led to IMing, IMing led to phone convos, and that lead to webcam. OF course we thought there was just no way we could be together- he was in germany, still had another tour in iraq- and we hadnt seen eachother (at least in person) since 9th grade! after a couple months it was obvious- we were a couple. a long distance one, but a couple no less. so we embraced it not caring if people thought we were NUTS! This picture- is the FIRST moment we saw eachother after 6 years. We'd been officially together for 3 months, talking for longer- and Christina dropped me off at his house as soon as he flew in from Germany. I cannot tell you how nervous I was this night! I was so excited, but so scared he'd see me and RUN! I knocked on his door, he flung it open-grabbed me and then? well see for yourself ;) best kiss of my LIFE. and Im so grateful Christina was there lol, she managed to whip out a camera and catch the whole thing :) That night was the night I met his sisters for the first time- who are now my bestfriends, and also the night he gave me a promise ring! which little did we know then- that only a year and 2 months later we'd be married :)

The rest is history :) THATS why this picture makes me smile :)

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well last night was a blast but just insane. Vicky came over and we watched movies, had dinner, and THEN decided we wanted to make the Neiman Marcus cookies. WELL we needed to go get all the stuff for it. long story short- i locked us out of the house. we always joke about needing a reality show and THIS is why lol. We called Matt and he came down and tried to help us for about 30 minutes, no luck. My dad said to call a locksmith but thats expensive! then right when I called Brittany and Zach to rescue us- my neighbor across the street (who Ive never met) walked over and did it! no problem! he had a Bud Lite in his hand so I told him I owed him! (later when we finally did go to Kroger, I brought him back a 6 pack and took it to him!)-- come to find out he's an army man (infantry too!) as well! so we chatted for a bit and it was nice to meet him. we've only met two people on our street so far so Im glad even though it took me being locked out- we got to meet!

so vicky and i finally baked our cookies even though it was after 10pm! THAT was an experience as well! but they turned out great- I hope if you tried the recipe you liked it!

and just a few minutes ago, someone from the neighborhood came to welcome us on behalf of HOA. Melissa- and she was SO sweet! brought me flowers, a candle, and brownies!


Im really hoping we start meeting more neighbors, and find some other couples to hang out with! :)

Now I'm just doing some work from home, baking cookies, and getting ready for Neen to come over for girls night- my friends rock, her and vicky have been so great about coming over and keeping me company while joeys gone!

one week down, one more to go- and i am SO ready for him to be home!

*cheers!*

tickles my fancy?

Day 6: whatever tickles your fancy...what does that even mean!?

anyhoo, tomorrow is friday- thank God. It has been a HELL of a week and I will be happy to see it go. Just one more of these and joey will be home (thank God again!).

its been a long time since I've had such an awful week- I'm sure most of it is because joeys gone and i was sick the first half. (went to the doc, no answers so far)

The house is unbelievably lonely, quiet. BORING. Ive been using Netflix quite a bit more than usual! (just got done watching Julie/Julia and LOVE it)
I havent been cooking, seems no point in just cooking for one.

No major plans this weekend (surprised?). Friday..work, and then nothing. Saturday I'll probably see my mom and Brandy for a bit, then? nothing.

Except maybe hanging out with Neen and I sure hope so- I enjoyed our night last weekend; sitting on the porch drinking and smoking and talking about life. Pretty sure we sat out there for 4 hours. and it was so nice- just like the old days.


Its funny, my Dad used to always tell me that when I got older I would realize who my true friends are. And he was right- I'm realizing it more and more. Sometimes its hard, hurtful, sad. But thats life right?
In the midst of a bad day, vicky showed up with some scrum starbucks-- whatta gal huh? on top of staying with me Monday night so I wasnt TOO lonely!




Thank God for friends, they enrich your life so much- and I know I didn't even realize it until recently.

enough rambling and tickling my fancy ;) Off to find another movie.

stay tuned! below is a recipe Aunt Mary used at the beach for cookies and I fell in LOVE. tomorrow Im thinking about going to buy all the ingredients and making em :) DELICIOUS! Try out the recipe and let me know what you think :)



Neiman Marcus Cookies

(Recipe may be halved): 2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups brown sugar
5 cups oatmeal
24 oz. chocolate chips
1 tsp. salt
1 8 oz. Hershey bar (grated)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
2 tsp. vanilla

Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet..Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies...


*cheers!*

sick day

Day 5: Favorite Quote...

"I will be with you always to the end of the world" - Matthew 28:20




joey and i got these when i stayed with him in germany, in 2008- right before he left for his second tour in iraq. its such a powerful bible verse, and means so many different things to me. maybe people dont agree with me having it tattooed on my wrist, or tattoos in general- but thats ok. i love looking at it everyday throughout the day, and it always makes me smile :)


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i called in sick today from work- feeling like a big bag of poo! i feel better now but this morning was no fun. i felt bad because vicky spent the night last night- she left before i even woke up! ha, but shes a good friend and understands.
i finally got a phone call from joey today, that lasted all of 3 minutes :( his phone was dying, and he had a bad connection- but i heard ' i love you' clearly so thats all that matters.
im feeling so lonely. and 10 more days of this? i feel like its going to crawl by.

one pick me up i got yesterday was perfect timing:



mail is so fun anyways- but even more so when it comes just at the right time! Mere sent this to me, and it was exactly what i needed. she wrote me such a sweet letter to go along with this super cute frame she got me (shes an army wife too, can ya tell?!)-- and it made me teary. itd been such a long day, i was worn out from waking up so early, and drained- missing joey bad (on day 1 ha...)- and it just brightened my day. mere is a friend i treasure, and wish we could hang out! shes been awesome throughout this journey (army) with joey-and we have so much in common.

thanks the Lord for such good friends :)

now? Netflixin' it all by my lonesome, and trying to decide if I even want to cook for myself. *sigh* hoping to hear from hubs soon...

*cheers!*

lonely...im so lonely...

yup. me = lonely. but first comes my Day 4: Favorite Book...

My favorite book of the moment is hands down: "Eat,Pray, Love"



and a description from amazon....

"A celebrated writer's irresistible, candid, and eloquent account of her pursuit of worldly pleasure, spiritual devotion, and what she really wanted out of life Around the time Elizabeth Gilbert turned thirty, she went through an early-onslaught midlife crisis. She had everything an educated, ambitious American woman was supposed to want-a husband, a house, a successful career. But instead of feeling happy and fulfilled, she was consumed with panic, grief, and confusion. She went through a divorce, a crushing depression, another failed love, and the eradication of everything she ever thought she was supposed to be. To recover from all this, Gilbert took a radical step. In order to give herself the time and space to find out who she really was and what she really wanted, she got rid of her belongings, quit her job, and undertook a yearlong journey around the world-all alone. Eat, Pray, Love is the absorbing chronicle of that year. Her aim was to visit three places where she could examine one aspect of her own nature set against the backdrop of a culture that has traditionally done that one thing very well. In Rome, she studied the art of pleasure, learning to speak Italian and gaining the twenty-three happiest pounds of her life. India was for the art of devotion, and with the help of a native guru and a surprisingly wise cowboy from Texas, she embarked on four uninterrupted months of spiritual exploration. In Bali, she studied the art of balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence. She became the pupil of an elderly medicine man and also fell in love the best way-unexpectedly. An intensely articulate and moving memoir of self-discovery, Eat, Pray, Love is about what can happen when you claim responsibility for your own contentment and stop trying to live in imitation of society's ideals. It is certain to touch anyone who has ever woken up to the unrelenting need for change."


I'm borrowing this book from my friend Vicky, well...Ive BEEN borrowing this book from her since June-ha! Its definitely one that you cant put down..but thanks to busy life I have to! So its taking me a bit to get through it, when usually I'd probably have it read in a couple days. Its very inspiring, it makes me want to jump on a plane to Italy and experience all the things she is describing! Right now I'm on her tales of India, but will be finishing it soon and moving on to Indonesia. I really want to finish it before the movie comes out in a couple weeks. I LOVE that they have Julia Roberts playing the author, she is one of my all time favorite actresses :)

I would def. reccomend this book- in a second. if you're reading this... GO GET IT!

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*sigh* joey left today. WELL he left saturday morning so we had this big goodbye and i cried like a baby as always, and then he got to come home that night-and last night (AWESOME!)-- so we got to do the big tearful goodbye again this morning. i know what youre thinking: we did a 15 month deployment PLUS some and this is just two weeks,right?
well yeah BUT- in the past year the longest we've been away from eachother is a night or two (thanks army..) so this sucks! im so used to him being with me- while he was deployed i was used to him being gone, when he was in germany same thing. AND ive never stayed in the house alone before. so its very lonely. the bed has NEVER felt more empty. two long weeks. LONG LONG weeks. thanks alot army.
im just gonna try to keep myself busy. gah i feel like he's deployed again! flashbacks or something lol, i swear army wives have a form of PTSD! ;)

anyhoo. Vickys coming over tonight and spending the night so thatll be fun. pizza movies,games,ect. sounds like a plan!

thats all for now!

cheers!